My Crazy Shenanigans Written by : Madder Hatter

My Crazy Shenanigans
Written by : Madder Hatter

 

     Hello, you crazy, beautifully broken peeps! Let me first introduce myself. Why, you ask? Well if you have the opportunity to read my ramblings once a week, you might as well know a little background. I mean, if you’re going to invest your time,might as well do it right eh?

     I'm called Madder Hatter. I have a fondness for hats and madness. It seems to surround me. It's quite entertaining, actually. I work 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday. I just kind of float through the day. I silently count down the hours to minutes to the very last second before I clock out and go home. Once home, the shenanigans come out, much to the amusement of myself; my family, not so much.

      Case in point, I made up a game with my kids that I call “Fart Tag”. Yep, you read it right. We fart on each other then say, “You're it.”

     I also like to play pranks.

     I hide in the tub with the shower curtain pulled, awaiting my victim. As soon as they come in and get ready to do their “business”, I jump out and scare the... well you get the point.

     I once drew faces on the eggs then put them back in the fridge and waited.

     Besides my crazy antics, I like to write stories and poetry. The best thing about my ramblings is that you'll never know what lays in wait. Are you going to read a short story? Are you going to read a poem? Are you going to read an angry rant because some punk ass-hat pissed me off?

     You don't know! How fun is that?

      Jokes, quotes, stories, poetry, you just don't know! I don't believe in writing the same type of thing every time because that's boring; people need variety. Just like whenever I decide to shout out loud at random times, “I'm going to the bathroom to deploy the pods!”

    Am I crazy? That's a strong yes. But is it the type of crazy you can handle and enjoy reading on a weekly basis? Well now that's up to you. I can't open that straight jacket for you.

     You may not always like or agree with what I say and I'm alright with that. No one agrees with everyone ALL the time. That would just be too boring.

     All I can say is buckle up buttercup, if you want in on this crazy train! Please keep all limbs and danglies inside at all times until this ride comes to a full stop!

     Side effects may cause, but not limited to:

  • Out loud bursts of laughter
  • Tear jerking moments
  • Random bursts of angry fits
  • Explosive diarrhea
  • Ok, I lied about the last part.....
  • Or did I?

 

     So, with this tidbit of info, if you're still reading this then I guess you signed the waiver making you solely responsible for your own mental break down after following me.

     Still here? Really? Even after all the crazy shit you just read? You must be a glutton for punishment. Well, okay then. I will share a short story I wrote a few years ago called....

 

A Demons Love

(C) Joyce Ann Marie Gage

 

     Lord Vladious came from a line of very wealthy and respected Lords, Duchesses, and Dukes alike. His family name was well known in Transylvania, but not for the wealth, nor the goodness they bestowed upon the common folk.

     John Vladious along with his many descendants before him were known for the sheer terror they drove into the hearts of the people. For it was widely believed that the Vladious family were among the undead.

     Vampires.

     It was well known that every member of the family was born with an unusually low blood count and they were highly allergic to sunlight.

     So, they were very pale and only came out at night. John knew the vampire rumors were simply ludicrous. He would recall his childhood and how he longed to be normal. He had wanted to play in the daylight. Many nights he'd lay in bed and pray to be a normal boy. None of the other children would go near him. They were afraid. Now John was a man of great power and wealth and he wanted more; he wanted a wife.

     John met Lady Rosemary during one of his late night walks through the village. Lady Rosemary was being mugged. As John approached, he could see the fear in her eyes and the would-be mugger took off running like some great beast was after him. John walked rosemary home.

     "Are you not afraid to be alone out here on these dark streets," she asked.

     "My dear, it is they who fear me. Do you know who I am?"

     "I know all about you and your family Lord Vladious. I do not succumb to silly stories and superstitions. I do not fear you good sir."

     And that was the start of it. They had visited each other three nights more when John realized, "She is the one I want to marry."

     On the fourth night, John asked her to come to his mansion. He had candles lit up and an elegant feast had been prepared. Midnight had struck and still no Lady

Rosemary.

     What if something happened to her, he worried. He grabbed his cloak and set off to find her.

     In a near by alley, he heard moaning. It was dark. He lit a torch and called out.

"Lady Rosemary?"

     Then he saw her. Her hands were shielding her face from the light and a man lay slumped on the ground next to her. Rosemary rose to her feet. John saw the blood dripping from her fangs. He knew what she was and he wasn't afraid. She went to him and they kissed. John tasted the blood and he didn't care. He wanted her.

     "Take me. I'm yours," John whispered. Lady Rosemary took John by the hand and sank her fangs in to his neck. Drinking away his humanity and making him become hers with the sweet kiss of death.

 

 

 

Well it's been a good ride. Until next time my beastlies. Stay true to you.

 

 

Joyce Gage AKA Madder Hatter enjoys long walks off short piers, loudly chewing food in the ear of her son, writing about the madness that plays wack a mole in her mind, and dancing in the rain. She's moody, but keeps it real.
You can follow her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/justice.served.5203


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